Happy Valentine's Day!

"Love your neighbor as yourself!"

-Leviticus 19:18

     Love is in the air. Can you feel it? Advertisements are flooding our airwaves for flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and other gifts that have become part of the rituals of the day on our secular calendars dedicated to expressing the emotion we know as affection. "So rabbi, is it okay for me to celebrate Valentine's Day?"

     The correct rabbinic response is that we should celebrate love every day of the year! While it is true that the full name of this holiday was at one time, "St. Valentine's Day," because of its legendary link with the apocryphal story of one of the earliest Christian saints, academics and others have recognized the dubious historical basis of this connection. Even Vatican II, the landmark set of reforms adopted by the Catholic Church in 1969, removed Valentine's Day from the Church's calendar, asserting that "though the memorial of St. Valentine is ancient... apart from his name nothing is known... except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on 14 February."

     As Reform Jews and advocates of universal celebrations, Valentine's Day is something that people of all faiths may in good conscience observe. It is a day in which to acknowledge the power of love to make us fully human. For at least one famous Talmudic Sage, love represents the ultimate commandment.  For when a non-Jew asked Hillel to, "teach him the entire Torah while standing on one foot," i.e. to summarize its essence, his response was basically the idea implicit in "love your neighbor as yourself." So for some, loving others is the summum bonum of Judaism.

     And yet, the way Valentine's Day is observed leaves out the one person worthy of love who is almost universally ignored.  While a beautiful thing to acknowledge love for another, a closer look at the biblical verse that makes "love" a commandment, points to someone who needs to be loved even before the object of your Valentine's Day passion. The first necessary step to loving others is to love oneself.

     The verse in Leviticus 19:18 reads, "love your neighbor as yourself." There are two instructions given here, and in very specific order. The verse is commonly used to remind us to love others, but we ignore, at our own peril, the first necessary step that has to be taken in order to accomplish the goal of loving others. Love your neighbor, the Bible teaches, as yourself.

     Deep-seated hatred manifested by tyrants or criminals is often in reality self-hatred turned outward. To be truly human, you must begin with self-acceptance and self-esteem. Only then can you move forward to a feeling of affection for others as well.

     The Chasidic Rabbi of Kotzk was right when he witnessed a man beating another and said to his disciples, "See how even while performing an evil act, this Jew fulfills the words of the holy Bible. He demonstrates that he loves his neighbor as much as he loves himself. We can only pray that he eventually comes to love himself, so that he may alter the way he treats others."

    It is not egotistical to make sure that you are likable in your own eyes. According to the Torah, it is a first step we all have to take before we proceed on the journey of love of others that will grant us the greatest fulfillment. So here is our suggestion for Valentine's Day (and as all the other 364 days of the year). Live in a way that earns your deepest respect and admiration, and come share your love of others with us at Micah!