Rabbis Rice: To Wrestle with Oneself

"Everything depends on the way a person measures him or herself."  

Kelim 17:11

      It is the middle of the night and you are alone with your thoughts. You cannot sleep. You toss and turn endlessly in your bed. Clearly you are worried about something, something that will happen in the morning. In this week's Torah portion, our patriarch Jacob cannot sleep either. Preparing to reunite with his brother after years of estrangement, Jacob lies awake in bed, all alone. And then all of the sudden the text tells us that, "a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn." (Genesis 32:25)
      Who is this person with whom he struggled? Take your pick: An angel? A thief? A reflection of God? Was it Jacob himself, wrestling with his own self-doubts? Perhaps it is the dark parts of Jacob himself. To overcome his brother's hatred and his concern for his own welfare, Jacob has to fight the evil inclination that is part of his very essence. One midrash suggests it was the angel of Esau, his brother, representing all of Jacob's fears and worries about the vengeance he might rightfully expect from him. Whoever you think the wrestling partner is, one thing is certain: Jacob is no longer the same man that he was before the wrestling match! For the first time in his life, Jacob has refused to run away from his responsibilities. He is ready to confront his own weaknesses.
        Who among us does not have doubts about ourselves? Our future? About what will happen in the morning? To be a member of the Jewish people is to constantly wrestle with ourselves, with others, and with the world. To be a member of the Jewish people is to recognize that there are no proxies for religious participation. No one can study for you; you must do it yourself. No one can rest on Shabbat for you; you must do it yourself. No one can give charity for you; you must do it yourself. And yet Judaism is also a world-wide community, where you need not be or feel alone.